Sunday, July 29, 2012

"I Wish" to Complete

"I wish"'s. Oh boy oh boy how they throw massive wrenches into relationships in the family, in our friendships, and with God.

I feel like so often we look at a relationship and we say, "I wish it was like ____." and we then go about our best efforts to make it look like that. Or we expect something to go a certain way, we don't leave room for it not turning out the way we have it and we plow anyone over who would want to do it a certain other way. It's the terror of only self-sight.

Have we noticed yet that when we want a relationship to look a certain way often times it's because we don't feel complete in it? This person doesn't text back quick enough. This person doesn't make plans well enough. This person doesn't say "I love you" enough or express appreciation in the way I feel it. This person isn't romantic enough. This person isn't spontaneous enough. This person... Well, the truth is, relationships here on Earth, won't complete you. The "I wish" train of thought can go on our entire lives and often times it does.

I'll tell you my "I wish"'s in life. I wish I had an abundant amount of friends at all times who always wanted me around even if I couldn't be there. I wish I had a family who truly wanted to know me. I wish I had a best friend who doted on me and made me feel loved. I wish I had all the time in the world to do all the things I love. I wish I had someone to tell me I was important and worth the world to them. I wish I was able to adventure better than my heart could ever desire. Now let me tell you what I'm actually saying in those statements. I wish I was always wanted. I wish I was always loved. I wish I was always content. I wish I was valuable. I wish I had joy. I wish I was known. I'll tell you the cool thing. I can have those "I wish's" and it's all in ONE relationship. God, the Savior of the World, the Creator of the Universe, the Alpha and Omega, the One that has reigned forever, HE always loves us, Romans 5:8. HE always wants us, Luke 15, HE gives contentment and joy, Hebrews 13:5 and Psalm 16:7-11, HE says we are valuable, Isaiah 43:1, oh and HE knows you, Psalm 139:1-6.

When we believe in that we are free to take relationships as they are, with flaws and all. Because now, we do not need them to be complete. We are complete in God.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

A Dream Remembered

At my work, I sit at a makeshift desk in the middle of everyones way. It's great when I want to get distracted and awkward when I keep making eye-contact with that person who walks by three times in one minute. Regardless, it puts me in the eyesight of all of my bosses for any random job they have on their mind at that second, well this time it was actually a random conversation that my boss wanted to have. So, he calls me into his office and sits me down, "What are your goals? What do you want to do with your life? Here's how to be a leader." That was the consistency of the conversation we had. And the whole rest of the day I kept trying to figure out why it felt so weird. Especially as I was walking back to my desk to go back to my stacks and stacks of paperwork.

I have grown very comfortable in this routine. I go to work long enough for my mind to go numb and then come home to play to make my mind wake up again. I do that 5 days a week and then for 2 days I play as hard as I can in shorts and bathing suits out in the sun and waves. I have two friends I stay in touch with and I play with my family the rest of the time. I go to bed at 11pm and I wake up at 6:40am. I pack my lunch, eat my breakfast, and brew my coffee. It's the same every morning.

Well, there I sat in the office where the peak of my routine was in progress and my boss asks me to dream again for the sake of conversation. That was it, that was what was weird. In the place of routine, comfort, schedule, check lists, and money making, I was remembering what I imagined in my future, what I smiled about at night as I drifted off to sleep, what I believed God could do with my life and I had forgotten all about it. I was in danger of settling, of being comfortable in thinking about how much money I was making, what check lists I was achieving, what new adventure fix I could get, of forgetting that there are lives hurting and in need of love. And I began to wonder how many lives had been fooled down that path. How many lives had been enticed by money, by comfort, by routine and security to forfeit their dreams and their aspirations, their desires of their hearts.

Maybe I'm just being young, maybe I'm just being a head-in-the-clouds college student who thinks they can change the world, maybe I'm just speaking to the hearts who are adventurous. I don't know, I'm too young to make that call ;], but I do know that the empty feeling of settling for a life that is safe instead of risking something to continue to follow the desires that God plants in our hearts results in an empty feeling of wanting more. We can mask it and say that we have everything that we ever wanted, try to convince ourselves that we're at peace, but the reality is that we are MEANT for something more. We are meant to be the hand that reaches out to the homeless man, we are meant for the encouraging words we speak to the crying soul, we are meant for the smiles we share with the people around us. We are meant for the Kingdom of God, the Kingdom of Whole, the Kingdom of Seen and Vulnerable People. This Kingdom doesn't exist in our world of false comfort and silenced dreams. It doesn't exist in our world of finding happiness at all costs and hiding the insecurities that we feel and believe on a daily basis. Our God holds a future of More for us. Dude, let's do this together, let's take this risk together to live a life of vulnerability, potentially instability, and definitely sacrifice, because the result is a heart that knows why it was made, and who it was meant to live for.