I grabbed like three coats, two pants, my music, and yes a pair of shoes finally (seasons first snow!!), and headed for the great outdoors. I took three steps before I felt the frustration well up again in my heart and about four steps before I started talking with God about it all. The odd thing was that I started to talk with God and then stopped because I wanted to leave way for the tears and frustration and bitterness and disappointment. I began to hear truth about the situation and decided I didn't want to know it. I knew that God would give me something to be joyful about, would remind me of who He was and I didn't want anything to do with that, I wanted to just be upset. It was when I chose to let God speak truth that I heard it, but I had to be okay with stepping out of my lie first.
That got me thinking. What other parts of my life do I choose to live in lies because I am not ready to let God speak truth? What other parts of my life have I chosen brokenness because I don't want to be made whole? There's that story in the Bible when Jesus heals a cripple by the healing pond in the book of John and He asks the cripple if he wants to be healed. Everyone assumes that if Jesus asked us if we wanted to be healed of our insecurity, of our brokenness, of our lies, of our handicap, then we'd automatically say yes. And I used to jump on that bandwagon of assumptions, but now I'm not so sure. There are some parts of my life that I can't imagine changing. There are some sins that I've gotten so used to I don't know what life is like without them. There are some lies that I have grown so comfortable in believing, that I squirm when the truth is spoken about them.
What is it in being in lies that is so appealing to us? I think the better question would actually be, what is it in being healed of our lies that is so frightening? One of mine is fear of the unknown. But I know now that it is that fear that traps us in the "normals" and it holds us back from experiencing the joy of knowing God, in looking more like Him, of growth. Then I get stuck there. Okay, now I've recognized my fear, I can name it, I even know what it holds me back from. How do I conquer it? This came for me in asking and believing in the Strength that God gives to His Warriors. We are strong. We are strong enough to defeat our lies, we are strong enough to want to. God does not leave us to struggle and be captive to our fears. No, He pursues us in truth and gives us the right weapons to fight against the fear that holds us in our place. Ask God to show you the strength that is already in you to defeat the fear that this world breeds.