Tuesday, July 17, 2012

A Dream Remembered

At my work, I sit at a makeshift desk in the middle of everyones way. It's great when I want to get distracted and awkward when I keep making eye-contact with that person who walks by three times in one minute. Regardless, it puts me in the eyesight of all of my bosses for any random job they have on their mind at that second, well this time it was actually a random conversation that my boss wanted to have. So, he calls me into his office and sits me down, "What are your goals? What do you want to do with your life? Here's how to be a leader." That was the consistency of the conversation we had. And the whole rest of the day I kept trying to figure out why it felt so weird. Especially as I was walking back to my desk to go back to my stacks and stacks of paperwork.

I have grown very comfortable in this routine. I go to work long enough for my mind to go numb and then come home to play to make my mind wake up again. I do that 5 days a week and then for 2 days I play as hard as I can in shorts and bathing suits out in the sun and waves. I have two friends I stay in touch with and I play with my family the rest of the time. I go to bed at 11pm and I wake up at 6:40am. I pack my lunch, eat my breakfast, and brew my coffee. It's the same every morning.

Well, there I sat in the office where the peak of my routine was in progress and my boss asks me to dream again for the sake of conversation. That was it, that was what was weird. In the place of routine, comfort, schedule, check lists, and money making, I was remembering what I imagined in my future, what I smiled about at night as I drifted off to sleep, what I believed God could do with my life and I had forgotten all about it. I was in danger of settling, of being comfortable in thinking about how much money I was making, what check lists I was achieving, what new adventure fix I could get, of forgetting that there are lives hurting and in need of love. And I began to wonder how many lives had been fooled down that path. How many lives had been enticed by money, by comfort, by routine and security to forfeit their dreams and their aspirations, their desires of their hearts.

Maybe I'm just being young, maybe I'm just being a head-in-the-clouds college student who thinks they can change the world, maybe I'm just speaking to the hearts who are adventurous. I don't know, I'm too young to make that call ;], but I do know that the empty feeling of settling for a life that is safe instead of risking something to continue to follow the desires that God plants in our hearts results in an empty feeling of wanting more. We can mask it and say that we have everything that we ever wanted, try to convince ourselves that we're at peace, but the reality is that we are MEANT for something more. We are meant to be the hand that reaches out to the homeless man, we are meant for the encouraging words we speak to the crying soul, we are meant for the smiles we share with the people around us. We are meant for the Kingdom of God, the Kingdom of Whole, the Kingdom of Seen and Vulnerable People. This Kingdom doesn't exist in our world of false comfort and silenced dreams. It doesn't exist in our world of finding happiness at all costs and hiding the insecurities that we feel and believe on a daily basis. Our God holds a future of More for us. Dude, let's do this together, let's take this risk together to live a life of vulnerability, potentially instability, and definitely sacrifice, because the result is a heart that knows why it was made, and who it was meant to live for.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Amber! This is great to be able to read and see a little bit more about my buddy Super. That lesson is one I feel that you are learning but everyone needs to learn. Thanks for sharing the ways that God is working in your life so that others may see the many ways that he works.